Dating can be difficult! We learn a lot of about the dating scene and how to do it through media and other social outlets. All in all we're highly influenced by what we see, read, or hear regarding dating and what works and what does not. We even go into most dates with certain expectations and make judgments before the first conversation. It's interesting to take a step back and think about what influences our dating habits the most.

As kids we watch a lot of movies and TV that incorporate the “happily ever after” ending which we all so desire and find hard to acquire. Disney has done a great job of encouraging women to work hard and do what their heart tells them because their prince charming is out there waiting and looking for them. Now ladies, I'm not saying you can't live happily ever after or find your prince (I mean, I'm over here with an army of toads waiting for the right kiss), but I want to point out the fact that Disney has instilled this belief that you shouldn't ever change/settle and just keep waiting, looking and working hard until he comes to you.
On the other hand we have men being influenced by their dirty little secret – Playboy, who has done a great job of showing us what we should be looking for in a woman and there's no reason to settle for less. I mean come on, they can fill a whole magazine on a monthly basis with these women, it can't be that hard to find them. We see these sculpted bodies and beautiful curves and forget what is really important. Through these influences, men are encouraged to be a little more aggressive, confrontational, and direct in order to find their trophy wife.

The takeaway is that we're all affected by media and movies and it's important to get away from those preconceived ideas that have been forced into our minds over the years. Instead of going into a date with a preconceived notion of “the one”, take the time to get to know the person and give them a chance. Accept them for who they are, the good and the bad, their strengths and weaknesses (we're only human after all). They may surprise you.
As one of my favorite sport coaches used to tell us, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Happy Dating!

Arthur G. Bahr, guest blogger

Some people view their car as an extension of themselves, while others view their car as a practical means from point A to B. Whatever the camp you’re in, there’s no denying that people make quick judgments based on the car you’re driving. To many people, the car you drive says more about you than your clothes.

Economy Sedans (Honda Accord, Toyota Corolla, Volkswagon Jetta)

Driving one of these cars says that you’re practical, fiscally responsible, probably college-educated and not very conscious of image, a total family man. Out of any car you choose, this is the one that says you’re ready to settle down.

Luxury Sports Car (Jaguar Type F, Porsche 911, Ferrari F450)

If you’re lucky to be driving one of these cars, you probably are in a good place in life financially. Some women will think you’re a bit of a show off as a lot of them will assume you got the car to attract women, but they will be impressed nonetheless. You might attract the wrong kind of girl, but you’ll still attract them.

American Muscle Cars (Ford Mustang, Chevrolet Camaro, Dodge Charger)

This will tell women you probably grew up in the Midwest eating a lot of potatoes. You’re probably a pretty happy go lucky guy who loves a good time and maybe aren’t quite ready to settle down but will adjust for the right person. This tells women you can probably put some Ikea furniture together, anything but a baby’s crib.

Hybrids (Toyota Prius, Honda CRX, Ford Fusion)

This tells women you’re socially conscious of your carbon footprint, fiscally responsible, quite possibly a vegetarian and definitely educated, albeit a bit boring. According to the NY Times, women tend to find hybrid drivers the least attractive out of all cars.

Pickup Trucks (Ford F150, Toyota Tundra, Chevrolet Silverado)

In a survey done by the Washingon Post, 32%(majority) of female respondents said that they preferred men in Pickup trucks. This is because driving a pickup truck tells people that you’re handy and can probably fix a leaky faucet, have more than $100 in your bank account to get a full tank of gas and you’re probably a manly-man who eats meat which appeals to many women.

In the end, the car you drive doesn’t matter. Although you give off certain impressions with your car, if you find the right person, they wouldn’t care whether you drive a luxury sports car or a beat up jalopy. But if in doubt, just save the introduction to your car for the 2^nd or 3^rddate. By then, they’ll most likely know you’re more than just “what meets the eye.”

Hey Dao, 
Just wanna let u know that I'm leaving your meetup group because I have found my partner thru your group! I actually met him last November when your group had a meetup at a wine bar in Redwood City. I didn't think much of him then and only chatted with him briefly. Flash forward 6 months later and I see him again at the Memorial Day picnic in Golden Gate Park. We talked a bit more and just recently started going out, but everything seems to be going in the right direction. I just wanted to send you this note because I don't know if you get many success stories. So thank you, Dao, for giving me the opportunity to meet someone whom I believe is meant to be in my life! 

Thx again, 
Linda
July 10, 2014

HowAboutADate meetup groups: Our goal is to provide a fun low-pressure environment/activity where singles can meet and mingle and make friends... and who knows, maybe even find something more.  Do what you love... love will find you. 
http://www.meetup.com/HowAboutADate/pages/Success_Stories/
http://www.meetup.com/HowAboutADate/events/181737342/
http://www.meetup.com/HowAboutADate/photos/22167282/

Ladies, waiting around and/or having a negative mindset will most likely not attract Mr. Right but rather Mr. Whatever. Instead, picking up a more positive attitude, adjusting expectations and detecting destructive patterns regarding your partner choice might just do the trick.

Start thinking positively and open your mind 

If you haven’t found the perfect partner yet it doesn’t always mean that you’re stuck in cupid’s blind spot. Maybe - to quote a famous poet – there are two souls dwelling in your breast: although you would really love to be in a relationship you fear closeness and commitment since you’re afraid of getting hurt (again). Thus, your subconscious will lead you to pick the wrong guy over kind hearted Prince Charming who is right for you and right in front of you. And when you do that over and over again the sum of your bad experiences will leave you with an even more negative mindset and more insecurities when it comes to falling in love. To blame men as a unitary group or a third party (cupid, fate, God(s), your zodiac sign…) is much easier than taking the time to assess your own morale on the dating field. Forget your chemistry classes where they taught you that a negative charged particle (you) ultimately attracts a positive charged one (Mr. Right). In life and love, a positive attitude will eventually attract positive people, good people. Also, don’t get caught up in an overly detailed description of your dreamboat concerning his looks and status: height, eye and hair color or his profession, etc. they don’t really matter if he shares your passion for horror movies and holds your hand during the scary (and non-scary) scenes. Many singles tend to exclude potential partners if they don’t match the exact vision they have created in their head, nipping unexpected love in the bud.

Look out for similarities 

 

"Two birds of a feather flock together“ or  “opposites attract”  - which one is true? Most of the times, both apply at the same time. People tend to feel drawn to people that are different from them. Subconsciously, they’re looking for someone who completes their personality - that is, somebody who features qualities that they might lack or that they admire. If you are a lively and adventurous woman, you might need a calm guy who is less likely to take risks and brings you back to earth. Sometimes, however, differences can also cause conflicts. If basic attitudes, life styles and life goals diverge greatly, the relationship may have little chance of survival. Someone who leads a life style that is very foreign and new to you might appear more exciting than the guy across the hall who uses the same eco-friendly laundry detergent and watches the same TV channels to fall asleep at night. As much as you’re attracted to your opposite, partners who share a lot of similarities and equal beliefs will lead a happier and healthier relationship in the long run. Little differences that don’t disrupt the overall harmony can be inspiring and refreshing but be sure that your decisions are driven by the same core values and that you agree on the direction you’re headed into. 

Create opportunities and become more active

 

Let’s be honest, waiting around and expecting him to knock on your door one day only happens in movies. You have to leave your house/work in order to meet him. Even if you are a notorious homebody, you should pick up as many (fun) activities as possible. Nonetheless, the chances that you meet Mr. Right in a yoga course or knitting club are rather low. Thus, choose activities that you love and that are most likely to attract all kinds of genders. Maybe a wine tasting event, a sailing course or joining a hiking group would be a good idea. Start going to networking events and join workshops that deal with topics that interest or move you. You could also take your four-legged friend to a dog park (borrow one if you have to) and socialize with other dog enthusiasts. People usually start bonding over a common passion or hobby which usually serves as a great conversation starter. Even if you just extend your circle of acquaintances – most couples  meet through mutual friends. At the end of the day you’ll enjoy what you do and attract the right kind of people…and maybe even fall in love. 

 

So Ladies, shake off your insecurities, grab your love arrows and aim for Mr. “not so different but can make me smile” and go do lots of fun social things.   when you’re doing what you love, that’s when your personality really shines… that’s when love fines you. That’s the Mastery of Love.

The holidays are quickly approaching making this season the perfect time to start going on amazing first dates! Have you wanted to ask that special lady out, or have you had your eye on the man/woman of your dreams for a couple weeks now? If so, now is the time to go on that first date with him/her. The holiday season affords individuals looking to have a good time a ton of exciting and unique activities to do. The food is spectacular, there are lights as far as the eye can see, and there is a remarkable feeling of love and laughter wafting in the distance. Below are a few suggestions for first date activities during the holidays that are sure to put a smile on both you and your date's face!

1. Amusement Park
The holiday season is the best time to go to the amusement park. Of course, amusement parks are entertaining year-round, and they are very popular during the summer, but there's nothing quite like going to an amusement park during the holidays. The majority of amusement parks gussy their premises up for the holiday season. There are decorations like trees and lights that really make you feel the holiday cheer wafting through the air. Some amusement parks even offer special holiday shows and events. The best part about visiting an amusement park during the holiday season is the lack of insanely busy crowds. So the next time you are looking for the best first date activity, look no further than your favorite amusement park. 

2. Ice Skating Rink
The ice skating rink is romantic, fun, and also a little adventurous, which is perfect for a first date. Ice skating is just right for a first date because the rink gives people something exciting to do while they get to know each other better in an open environment that has no pressure. In addition, the ice skating rink is a healthy and active way to spend a Friday or Saturday night skating away. It has been shown to burn tons of calories, which is ever so vital during these holidays jam packed with tasty food, food, and more food galore. And, believe me, your date will thank you for your unique date idea if you take them to the ice skating rink since it is playful, unexpected and fun. So, go to the ice rink and get 10 points for your original and fun date idea. 

3. The Nutcracker
There is no other show on earth as quintessentially Christmas as the "The Nutcracker." Not only is it festive, your date will be impressed about being taken to a ballet on the first date. After the show, remember to take him/her out for drinks and always keep your pinky raised when you drink to continue showing how classy you are. In all seriousness, "The Nutcracker" is a timeless classic that has been reproduced by every renowned ballet company in the world for its imaginative plot and beautifully intricate dance moves executed brilliantly. And once you've finished watching the show, you will have "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" stuck in your head for days to push you through the holidays feeling extra that Christmas cheer. 

Guest Blogger