“The term community has two distinct commutative meanings: 1) Community usually refers to a social unit larger than a small village that shares common values.  In a seminal 1986 study, McMillan and Chavis identify four elements of "sense of community": 1) membership, 2) influence, 3) integration and fulfillment of needs, and 4) shared emotional connection.” – Wikipedia.org

You are a part of several communities whether you know it or not.  One of the communities you’re a part of is the singles community.  And trust me, that’s no small community!  As of 2012, there were approximately 54 million single people in the US [1].  In fact, 87% of people think online dating is a good way to find a partner [2].     In the past, society has frowned upon the choice to remain single and singles have always felt pressured to find ‘the one’ and settle down.  Those times are changing!  Our goal at HowAboutADate.com is to empower singles and enrich the singles community by providing opportunities for singles to gather, date, and befriend each other.

More people are finding ways to stay happy while single and that lifestyle is beginning to be accepted by society.  Being single isn’t a negative thing, it just means you're not going to settle, and/or be stuck with "Mr/Ms Wrong".  The online dating community has experienced enormous growth over the past few years because of the ease and availability provided by dating websites.  These websites have helped improve and enrich the singles community, allowing for singles to connect with each other on a variety of different levels.

I encourage you to get involved in the singles community.  Go participate in some singles events, meet some new friends, and maybe even flirt a little.  Ignore the pressures from society that you need to commit to a relationship just for a ‘status’.  Learn how to be happy single and start enjoying life today. 

Over the past few months we've provided an array of material that helps empower singles to stand out and be noticed.  Now get out there and take action!  

Be sure to check our Sarah’s blog post about the SF singles community as well!

[1] & [2]: General Online Dating Stats

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Last week HowAboutADate.com co-hosted a seminar with Maya Diamond on "How to Communicate Effectively".  While the seminar was educational, everyone wanted to learn more about communicating with others in a dating environment.  This led to the idea of doing a workshop and article on flirting!  Everyone can learn something new about flirting and it's one of the most important factors when meeting new people.    This article is designed to help you  'wet your palette' and learn some new flirting tips.  Scholars have discovered in recent studies that men use the flirting to initiate sex while women use flirting to gain attention.

Everyone has their own styles of flirting and some people are really successful while others are not.  One thing I've learned is that if you're an experienced and confident flirt, you can win out over much better looking competition.  I've compiled a brief example of several different styles of flirting.  It's important to find out what works for you and the best way to do this is practice, practice, practice.

Flirting is an art, not a science.  As with any art, the more you practice the better you get.

Eyes:  I've had full on 'conversations' with women before without even saying a word.  You can say a lot with the way you look at someone.  It's important to learn how to flirt with your eyes without being to excessive.  The goal is to 'tease' and not creep out.  I don't ever recommend maintaining eye contact or staring at one person for longer than 3-4 seconds at a time.  Of course during the conversation, eye contract is extremely important, but leading up to that don't stare the person down.  The trick is to show confidence and be a little mysterious without 'undressing' the other person with your eyes.  Once you've mastered flirting with your eyes you'll notice that starting conversations will be much easier.

Body Positioning: It's important to keep an appropriate distance at the start of a conversation.  This distance is always changing depending on the location.  You'll be closer to the person if you're in a loud venue and are having a hard time hearing each other.  As the conversation carries on you'll find that you can move closer and closer to the other person (given you're both comfortable with it).  It's good to face the person you're talking to and keep a relaxed and confident posture.

Confidence: There is a fine line between confident and cocky.  It's crucial that you're able to show off your confidence without falling in love with yourself.  Keep you chin up, stand like you own the place, and smile playfully.  Confidence is all about you, you have to be comfortable, calm, and collective.

Touching: Touching is a very touchy subject.  Touching can help get you to the next stages of flirting but it can also land you in hot water.  You need to know how much touching the other person is ready for.  It's good to be flirtatious without forcing the other person into an uncomfortable situation.  I typically start with brief touches on the arm or hand.  If the conversation is taking off it's usually okay to move for the 'arm around the back'.  I'm also a big high fiver... I have yet to prove that it's a successful technique yet.

Online Flirting / Text Messaging: With the growing popularity and use of social media and mobile devices, flirting has escalated to a new level.  Flirting online is a whole different situation and has allowed for many shy people to express themselves.  Check out our upcoming article to learn more about flirting online.

Conversation:  Conversation is something that can be practiced, but ultimately, if you're not interested in what the other person is saying, the conversation will go poorly.  Remember that everyone wants to talk about themselves, this means that you need to be humble and talk less about yourself and let your date talk more about themselves.  It's good to ask more detailed questions, that shows that you're listening and actually interested in what the other person is talking about. Women want to feel sexy, you need to make them feel desirable and compliment them as much as possible.  Men don't usually need as much flattery but do enjoy having to work a little to get the girl.

Now that you've learned some new things, you're ready to test them out!  Keep your eye out for our upcoming workshop where you'll have the opportunity to test your new skills and practice your moves in real situations.  You're always welcome to come out to our meetup events or sign-up and post a date on HowAboutADate.com if you want to get some more practice in!

Happy Flirting ~

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Have you ever been sitting at the bar and spot someone attractive a few seats away?  You want to approach the person and come off as cool and confident but can’t decide how to start the conversation.   This article will focus on what pickup lines NOT to use and how you can start a conversation off correctly.  I’ve gone ahead and listed several popular pickup lines that I recommend avoiding at ALL costs.

• Great Legs, What Time Do They Open?
• Hey girl, guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.
•  Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
• Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
•  Are you free tonight? or is it going cost me.
• Can I have directions? "To where?" To your heart.
•  I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

If you’re someone with some sense of humor (and you can tell that the other person has a good sense of humor) then these pickups lines may work as an ice breaker.  These will only work if used in a funny/fun type of way and there is still a large chance that you will be turned down.

• Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
•  Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
• Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.
• I don't know if you know this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
• You must be a heck of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
•  I'm sorry, were you talking to me? "No." Well then, please start.
•  Is there a rainbow? Cause you're the treasure I've been searching for.

Of course the BESTway to meet new people is the old fashioned way.  Start with “hi” and introduce yourself.  Kick off the conversation with simple and non-personal questions until you’re both comfortable with talking to each other.  It’s always a bonus if you can learn something about the person from overhearing a previous conversation (without being creepy!).  If I heard someone mention that they hate their job to the bar tender I’d see that as a perfect opportunity to introduce myself and let them know that I overheard them and am curious as to why they hate their job and what they might want to do instead.  This shows that I’m interested and it breaks the ice.  I don’t recommend trying to give advice at this point, your job is to listen and support the person venting.  This also helps build a ‘connection’ between the two of you as you share personal experiences.

I recommend looking back at Just the Tips of the Iceberg and reading about being confident and professional.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Where you ‘hangout’ can say a lot about who you are.  This isn't always the case but it is likely that you will see a ‘specific’ crowd depending on which restaurant or bar you choose to visit.  This week’s article is going to focus on how you can find new ‘hang outs’ and meet any type of person you want!

It’s important to find a location that reflects how you want to be seen.  If you are a business professional and are looking to network or meet other professionals you should stick to more ‘elegant’ restaurants and bars located near business areas.  It’s also important to pick your visiting times wisely.  Going out at 10pm will attract a different crowd than going out at 5pm.  The most important thing is to find a place that you feel comfortable in.  Is the staff nice, is the ambiance relaxing, are the people there the type of crowd you want to associate yourself with?

There are tons of websites out there that help you find locations and recommendations.  I've listed a few useful sites below that can help you find a fun atmosphere.

SOSH

Sosh is a really cool and simple site that shows tons of fun activities and includes reviews and details on all different types of restaurants.

YELP

Yelp is the most popular site for customer reviews.  You’re able to see pictures and reviews regarding specific locations.

Party Earth

Looking for something with a little more tempo?  Party Earth is a very informative site with tons of details about upcoming events and restaurant specials.

Now you have the tools to find fun places and events.  You can either check out some of these locations on your own or you can join HowAboutADate.com and meet others that are interested in similar locations and activities(having company sounds much more fun!).

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Pop Quiz

Dating ischallenging.  It’s never easy to figure out what type of ‘dater’ you are, if you’re good at flirting, or if you’re even searching for the right person.  We’ve provided lots of useful blog articles on how to improve your dating abilities and experience.  Now it’s time to take some quizzes!

Here are some quizzes for males and females that will help you understand yourself a little better.   

What Type of Person Do You Attract?

This is a simple quick quiz that breaks down what type of person you attract the most!

http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_type_of_person_do_you_attract

What Kind of Lover Are You?

Another quick quiz that breaks down what type of lover you are.

http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_kind_of_lover_are_you_3

Rate Your Dating Skills

Fun simple ‘scantron’ style quiz that scores you.

http://www.surrenderedsingle.com/quiz.html

Females Only:

Do You Know How to Attract a Guy?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo-quiz-how-to-attract-guys

Are You a Great Date?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo_quiz_are_you_a_great_date

It never hurts to learn as much as you can about the opposite sex.  I’ve personally poked around on www.cosmopolitan.com just to see what the women are reading and what is trending (and I usually learn a lot!).   These quizzes should help you better grasp your skills or personality and allow for you to focus on your strengths!

We have lots of events in April that are displayed on our ‘How AboutA Date?’ Meetup.  These events, along with dates on HowAboutADate.com, are awesome ways to get out there and test what works and what doesn't.  You also get to meet awesome people in the process!!

I’ll see you at our next event,

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Communication isn't always as simple as a conversation.  There are tons of different types of nonverbal communication which consist of your attire, body language, word selection, and more.  Throughout my time in San Francisco and other cities I've learned that lots of people communicate in different ways.  Some people are more verbal, some more visual, and some just think everyone is telepathic.  Regardless, it’s important to be able to define what type of communication you use and what type the person across from you uses. 

If you want to start and maintain a positive conversation with someone, it’s vital that you show positive body language and begin the conversation in an appropriate manner.  Most people lose track of the conversation and begin to talk heavily about themselves.  The most important thing to do is to find common ground, something that connects you to this other person and use that as an anchor.  Being able to relate to someone, especially if the topic is unique, can be the biggest motivator in a conversation. 

You have to listen!  People tend to ask questions that they want to be asked.  When someone asks if you have any siblings, it’s a good bet that they want you to ask the same question and they probably have a unique situation to tell you about or a good story.  If someone mentions that they love their career, it’s probably a good idea to ask more about their career and why they are passionate about it.  They will enjoy explaining it to you and they will be excited to know that you’re interested. 

Online conversation can be essential to actually meeting up.  It’s important to get back to people in a timely manner and with an appropriate response.  Try to avoid being extremely vague, but don’t get too personal.  It’s good to get to know each other a little more before diving into an awkward situation.  Try to avoid pressuring the person into anything and don't make them feel obligated to meet up, make them want to meet up!

Communication can make or break a friendship or relationship.  Life will be very difficult and frustrating if you can’t communicate correctly.  On top of communication is timing.  It’s important to know what to say when and where.  The old cliché is talking about your ex on your first outing with a new date.  That’s always a sure way to ruin your chances of a second date, of course sometimes it isn't accidental.

I hope this information is beneficial for you and I hope that you now understand the importance of knowing how to communicate properly.

I'm looking forward to seeing you communicate on HowAboutADate.com and would love to see you in action at one of our meetups!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Many people have their own perceptions about dating.  Each person has their own idea of what the expenses and dress code should be on a date.  In this weeks blog we'll be taking a look at an infograph that breaks down some facts about dating that many people don't know!

Now that you've had a chance to learn some new facts and see some fun date recommendations, it's time to join HowAboutADate.com and post some of your own!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

We know dating can be hard, but there are many ways to make the process as simple as possible. Here are some key dating tips to keep in mind:

1) Make a list of attributes you look for in a potential mate. Knowing what you want is vital and incredibly sexy, so write down a list of key qualities that you appreciate and narrow it down to 10. 150 qualities is a bit too specific/unrealistic ;P
2) Relax. If you feel like you meet many men and have given out your number and have somehow not been called back, don't sweat it. Instead of stressing over it and wondering why, move on. Save yourself the grief and know that there are bigger and better things waiting out there for you.
3) Maintain your own identity. Never lose yourself. Think you've met the guy of your dreams but you'd have to sacrifice your former life to be with him? Not good. Maintaining your sense of self, keeping friendships, and maintaining your passions in life assure balance- thus making you more desirable.
4) Trust your intuition. If someone is making you feel uneasy or if you're getting a feeling in your gut that something isn't quite right, TRUST IT. Keep your eyes open and listen to your inner self. You are usually right about these things.
5) Acceptance. Don't look for people that you think you can "change". You aren't supposed to be a counselor for someone and you cannot change a person. If you can't accept some trait or habit in someone, it's time to think about whether this person is actually right for you.
6) "I complete me" vs. "You complete me". Many people go around jumping from one relationship to the next because they feel really uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with themselves. This is terrible. What is wonderful is to be comfortable, confident and happy on your own before you embark on a relationship. You must learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.  You mustn't let anyone else dictate your happiness.
7) Don't Assume Anything. Ask questions, and don't make assumptions about the relationship without any real answers. Don't be afraid to express what you are looking for.
8) Ditch your Comfort Zone. Try something new. We all grow from trying the things that we have been afraid of doing.
9) DO NOT SETTLE. If you are starting to feel a little stressed that Mr. Right has not come along yet, do not settle for second best. In the end, you will be much happier being single than wasting time with the wrong person.

Keep these dating tips in mind and join How About A Date to find fellow singles who are ready to mingle. We are a website that focuses on activity based dating rather than searching for a soulmate immediately (as that is incredibly unrealistic). We focus on solidarity in being single and want you to find someone in doing what you love whether it's hiking, going to your favorite museum on a Saturday or at a happy hour at one of your favorite bars.

You never know who you'll meet.

Everyone is looking to meet new and exciting people through dating and fun activities.  Online dating has provided a gateway for people to meet others with similar interests.  While most sites focus on matchmaking and profiles, HowAboutADate.com works to empower the singles community and encourages singles to post a fun activity opposed to filling out a long questionnaire.   So what do you wear? What do you say?  I've provided some tips that will help you show up prepared and improve your dating experience!

Body language:  When you’re confident and comfortable you’ll become more animated, smile more, lean in, and use more eye contact.  Most people are attracted to a confident person and body language is the first way to show confidence.  It’s important to avoid slouching, looking down, and keeping your arms crossed.

First impressions are unavoidable:  Whether we like it or not, we all judge people based off the first few seconds that we see them.  It’s very important that you present yourself as a confident individual and I'd recommend wearing comfortable and respectable attire.  If you look unprofessional, people treat you unprofessional.

Pick a unique date:  While dinner and a happy hour isn't always a bad thing, most successful dates involve a little creativity.  It’s important to pick a date that you’re comfortable doing and will provide mutual enjoyment.  People love to share their stories and it’s much more exciting to share a story about hiking to the top of Mount Tamalpais than having a casual dinner at a local restaurant.  Accomplishing goals with someone is always a quick way to build a bond or friendship.

Be yourself, be comfortable:  Lies never last longer than a date or two.  It’s much more effective to just be yourself opposed to pretending to be someone you’re not.  It’s important to pick an activity that you’re passionate about as that’ll allow you to be comfortable and less nervous.  Make sure you leave having had a good time and if you're date wasn't 'into' the activity, it may be time to move onto another person.

Don’t shy away from compliments: Everyone gets an occasional compliment, but to many people deflect the compliment by bringing up flaws or problems about it.  Instead of coming up with a reason that their compliment is invalid, try thanking them and smiling, it’ll feel more rewarding to them and help boost your confidence as well.

Conversations are two sided: Conversations are crucial if you want a second date.  While many people don’t have a problem talking about themselves, it’s important to remember that there is someone else in the conversation.  Most people ask questions that they want to be asked, this means a safe counter question is usually something similar to what you were asked.  It’s also good to inquire about certain topics, if your date is a doctor you can ask what field they work in, or where they studied.  People like to know you’re listening and interested.  Everyone loves a comedian but there is a line that can easily be crossed.  It’s alright to be funny and drop some occasional jokes, but every sentence doesn't have to have a punch line.  Keep on topics that are mutual, don't force your opinion or choose to talk about something that aggravates you. Bringing up politics on the first date is a big turnoff.

Now that you have the basics you’re ready to get out there and practice!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Attraction through Passion

In our latest blog post we encouraged you to get out and date instead of waiting on fate.  This post will focus on ways to make you more attractive and desirable.

“What matters most is how you see yourself”

Not everyone is born with a smooth tongue, confident personality, and great looks but instead has to learn over time what works for them personally.  This isn't always a fun process and whether you’re young or old there is always more to learn about yourself.  Everyone has different features, different passions, and different personalities and that in itself is what makes us all unique and special.  Being sexy and attractive doesn't need to look like the stuff on TV.  There are lots of ways an individual is able to look and feel sexy just by being true to themselves and having a good time.

Attitude:  Having a positive attitude is one of the most important things in life and in dating.  If you’re always looking at the negative side of things you’re already limiting your capabilities.  Trying new things and meeting new people is always a rewarding experience and others are always attracted to positive and uplifting individuals.

Honesty & Confidence:  Being honest to yourself and those around you can be challenging at times.  Media has skewed our perception of what is attractive and it’s impossible to fit the image Hollywood has portrayed.  Being honest to yourself and confident are two things that attract people to you and help you live a more satisfied and rewarding life.

Passion:  When you’re having fun and doing something you’re passionate about is when you’re personality shines the most.  Find out what your passions are and do those things.  Don’t let others bring you down or convince you otherwise, you are youwhen you’re having fun and that’s when you’ll meet the people most important to you.

We strive to highlight these areas on HowAboutADate.com.  We don’t want to force you into a high pressure interview or match you up with anyone.  Our goal is for you to have fun, be positive, be open to new things, be confident, and be honest to yourself.  When you’re doing something you’re truly passionate about is when people are most attracted to you.  So stop being “Negative Nancy” and start attracting those around you!

Life is so much more rewarding when you’re doing what you love.  And at the same time, you’re harnessing the laws of attraction too!

"Being single does not mean no one wants you... it just means that God is busy writing your love story."

Let's face it. Being single can be incredibly difficult on the heart and completely isolating. You see people holding hands, you cringe. You are forced into awkward third wheel situations because it seems as though everyone seems to have a special someone but you. Yes, even the most annoying friend that you've got is posting pictures from her vacation in Hawaii with her "hubby"...

Don't just sit there, do something about it!

So many people have the notion the love should be left to fate, which is unrealistic. Fate is defined by Webster's Dictionary as "the development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power." If you haven't watched the movie 500 Days of Summer, you should watch it NOW. Relying on fate is an excuse to not live your life in the now. Relying on the supernatural to save your love life will get you nowhere. "You can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence... there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be."

Instead of relying on fate to be your answer, grab a hold of your life and move forward with it in your own hands. You have absolutely nothing to lose. If you see someone you'd like to talk to, talk to them. The worst thing that could happen is that they turn you down, and you can move forward learning from that experience. To quote Fight Club, "This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." Why waste time sulking or fret about being too afraid to speak up? A simple smile can make all the difference in starting a conversation. For women, you can forgo aggression all together and use nonverbal cues (such as eye contact/body language) to show interest. If the guy doesn't get it, starting a functional conversation (such as "How was your week?" or "Have you seen any good movies lately?") can get the conversation started without it being too seemingly awkward. For men, don't be afraid to be bold. You can do this. Focus on making her laugh.

Howaboutadate.com offers the perfect environment for singles to mingle with other fellow singles in a friendly, open environment with no pressure whatsoever. We set up group events weekly at places such as bars for happy hours, art galleries and museums, and delicious restaurants all in the Bay Area. We don't force you to pinpoint a specific person to talk to and take out on a date, but focus on introducing you to a variety of different people that you could potentially form connections with (friendly or romantic). We aim to provide an outlet for you to sharpen up your social skills. We want you to do what you love, and to naturally shine in doing what you love. When one is happy with themselves, it shows, and there is a glow that they radiate to the world.

Simply put, we want to provide the tools to get ya shinin'.

What is the ideal date? Is it dinner and dancing, or is it a hike through your favorite places in the city? Dating can be tricky if you have doubts about the right scene to be seen! I have gone out on some great dates here in The City By The Bay… Down to Pier 39 or Golden Gate Park. But what gets me is that I don’t want the same old hum drum site to post on.

For me, and I hope for readers out there, you’d want a simple and uncomplicated way to meet fun people and adventure through a common “like”. I detest sites that ask for a thirty point inspection in order to find someone I may be interested in taking out. Nor do I want to go through some lengthy process in order to only have some weirdo tracking/stalking my profile! Simplicity is the key… howaboutadate.com takes the best elements and streamlines profiles and people into one great place to meet and greet some of the best of the Bay. So check in, post, don’t pause! Just have fun!

George